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A Christmas Story

As much as I love all things Christmas, someone needs to tell me what I am missing when it comes to 1983's A CHRISTMAS STORY.

Based in the 1940's in Cleveland (poor Cleveland, first the Browns and now this) the tale is an old fashioned yarn about Ralphie (Peter Billingsley, the best thing in the movie) and his desire for a Red Ryder BB gun.

His Dad (Darren McGavin, making his future Kolchak portrayal seem subtle) and his Mom (Melinda Dillon, whiny and annoying) are not behind the idea.

His Dad is too busy battling the furnace repeatedly and loving his new leg lamp to notice much and his Mom just thinks he'll put his eye out.

Ralphie and his friends battle bullies at school and he constantly day dreams of saving the day with his fully loaded Red Ryder.

I am missing something.

I didn't laugh, it didn't make me feel especially holiday-ish and I found the repeated sped-up Benny Hill antics boring.

The whole thing just plays like a bad Garrison Keillor radio play brought to life.

If I had a dollar for every time I looked at my watch, I'd have more than enough to recover my rental fee.

I know a lot of people love it, but man it just doesnt click with my sense of humor.

Maybe I just have a problem with Director Bob Clark. His other huge film hit was "Porky's" in 1981 and I hated that movie, walking out after about a half hour when it was in theatres, something I've only done maybe five times in my life.

SO I guess I'll just leave this one wrapped up and ready for all the fans out there to soak up every year. I'll stick with Christmas Vacation, Love Actually and Elf as modern holiday classics.

For me, this is dumb, annoyingly boring and gets a bah humbug, coal in its stocking and a D.

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