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George At 

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Noah


This movie left me speechless.

It left me shaking my head.

Not in wonderment, mind you, just in astonishment of how ill conceived and horrible NOAH is.

First of all, I do not have trouble with the filmmaker having his own interpretation of the Noah fable, but this vision is so muddled, so boring, so all over the map that it never even comes close to coherent.

Russell Crowe manages to sneak in some more singing, which I think we all made clear is unnecessary after Les Mis. He is more action hero than bible figure. The rest of the cast is just wasted with over-the-top dramatics.

Anthony Hopkins wonders in wearing his costumes from Thor, plays pretty much the same character and no one notices.

Ten minutes into the movie, we are introduced to giant rock creatures like stone Transformers that play a huge part in the film. It's like Cecil B. DeMille and Peter Jackson threw ideas in a blender and came up with a blend of myth, legend, sci-fi, drama and sword/sandals epic that doesn't do justice to any genre.

Spectacular flood scenes? Check.

Clever explanations of how all the animals could survive on board? Check.

Well executed scenes of animals boarding the ark? Check.

They almost make the whole thing actually seem plausible (unless you've seen Ricky Gervais do his routine on Noah and the Ark...then you cant stop laughing....)

And the rest...just horrible.

As soon as the rock creatures showed up and started talking to the humans, they lost me. Unfortunately, I still had two hours to go.

This is a huge waterlogged mess that gets a D.

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