Thrash
- 6 minutes ago
- 3 min read
Insert Jaws Theme Here:
"..Dumb Dumb.....
Dumb Dumb....
DumbDumb, DumbDumb..."
I could just wrap the review of Netflix new disaster movie/Giant Shark thriller right there.
Good night folks!
But THRASH probably deserves a bit more text in honor of the actors who do their best with a screenplay so thin, a goldfish could swim through it.
Perhaps inspired by what would happen if they threw "Sharknado" in a blender with "The Day After Tomorrow" we meet the various citizens of a modern Mayberry directly in the path of a Category 5 Hurricane.
Djimon Hounsou (Guardians of the Galaxy, Amistad) brings presence and well delivered one liners to his role as Dr. Dale Edwards, a shark expert who just happens to be near our Mayberry as the storm approaches. Well, he's a hundred miles away, but I'll get to that later.
As for the rest of the characters, they're well acted but stuck in characters that are so stupid, weak or ignorant that they just decide to stay in their homes and "ride it out 'cause them weather folk on the TV ain't never gettin' it right".
Phoebe Dynevor (Bridgerton) is Lisa, who seems to be about nine and a half months pregnant, but more devoted to the accounting books at a refinery than she is having her baby in the opening scene. As the weather from hell looms, she just wraps up her day and gets in her teeny weeny car to drive somewhere, even though the roads are all closed down. (I hear the music....Dumb....Dumb.........)
Whitney Peak (Molly's Game) made me scream at the screen as Dakota, Dr Edwards niece, who recently lost her Mom and has spent the months since Zoloft'ing her way through panic attacks in her Mom's home. Like Lisa, she seems to be that rare person under 30 who never looks at her phone. A storm's coming, Dakota. (Dumb.......Dumb)
Lastly we meet three kids stuck with the worst foster parents on the planet, who cook steaks downstairs in a forbidden basement while the three kids live on Wonder Bread and peanut butter upstairs.
The young actors Stacy Clausen, Alyla Browne (young Furiosa in the Mad Max series) and Dante Ubaldi that play the foster kids, steal every scene they are in. They're smarter than any adult in the movie, funny as hell and are the only three I ever rooted for to survive.
The hurricane hits Mayberry, oops, I mean the small Coastal Carolina town of Annieville. Seawalls break, the storm surge fills the town and brings with it an onslaught of killer sharks.
Faster than you can yell "Shark! Shark!", there are onscreen references to "Jaws", "Jaws 2" and mayhem galore.
Some of the opening scenes with Lisa in her car, the approaching flood and the gasoline tanker are fun and the kids swim down to the flooded basement with a great white swimming around serves up some suspense, but the rest of this is pretty dull and "been there, done that".
One of the dumbest moments in the film, and there are plenty to choose from, is when Dr. Edwards and the TV News team they have hooked up with to head to Annieville. As they move from their truck to a boat to head the rest of the way there,
Edwards flashlight shines on a road sign that says, "Annieville, 100 miles".
Huh? 100 miles!!!!??? We just laughed out loud, assuming that we were going to see some fantastically stupid shark antics along the way. Nope. We see about two minutes of that journey.
Did they run out of budget? Why place your possible heroes 100 miles from their objective and then show none of their quest? Lazy or stupid writing or massive budget cuts. At only 86 minutes long (thank the Shark Gods) is that 100 mile trip on the cutting room floor?
Some of the sets are clever. They were built on a set of pulleys that could lower the entire set into a massive tank, allowing the furniture and everything around the actors to float as the flood waters rise. It's effective and looks great. Some of the practical effects are well done as well. The CGI sharks range from good to hilariously silly.
The last few minutes are laugh-out-loud stupid & funny, especially when a Megaladon sized mega shark shows up while Lisa is having her baby in the flood waters.
That shot of Lisa with the harpoon was telegraphed in such hack fashion in the her opening scenes that I said out loud, "watch for her to shoot a harpoon in the last 5 minutes."
Yep.
The final moment sets up a sequel.
Please, NO. 86 minutes of this goofy crap is enough.
THRASH gets a D.
It's only saved from an F by those talented & very funny kids and some great flood effects.
Sing it with me....Dumb, Dumb..........Dumb, Dumb.......
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