Hot Dog: The Movie

If you were a young dude in 1984 that had HBO, I'm betting you saw HOT DOG: THE MOVIE as many times as I did.

Which is countless.

One of the riches of Tubi is their gold mine of 70's and 80's flicks that we were all battling to find in Blockbuster "back in the day".

A nearly perfect stupid, poorly acted and fun 80's time capsule of T&A, sports action and raunchy humor, I laughed all over again seeing it for the first time in over 40 years.

Man, were we less demanding back in the day.

The screenplay is just a random collection of scenes moving us from skiing to boobs, to drinking, to sex and back to the slopes, with Duran Duran, Patti Austin and Al Jarreau playing in the background.

Patrick Houser is more wooden than Pinocchio as small town skier Harkin Banks. I'm hoping he could ski because he sure as hell can't act. He travels in his beat up pick up truck toward a winter skiing competition, where he goes head to head against arrogant Austrian pro Rudi, the most stereotypical bad guy to ever hit the powder.

It's all just an excuse for lots of goofy humor, sports gags and did I mention...boobs?

In 1984, this was as funny as things got. Some of it hasn't aged well, but it has some very funny gags and more than a bit of great freestyle skiing footage set to a classic 80's soundtrack of synth and drums.

The two most impactful cast members start with David Naughton from "American Werewolf in London". I am shocked that this is the next big screen movie he ended up in after Werewolf. Funny, charming and a huge hit as David in John Landis' classic, he was on an episode of "Love Boat" and a flop TV series before ending up here. Naughton must have had the worst agent in the history of Hollywood.

The second is Playboy's 1982 Playmate of the Year, Shannon Tweed. Dame Tweed plays Sylvia, the ex-girlfriend of Rudi. She's got her eyes on Harkin as new talent for her bathtub, uh, I mean the slopes. In the 80's, Shannon was an icon. Her talent(s) are impressive.

If you are easily offended, you'll want to avoid this one.

The dialogue never reaches any higher than when partying Japanese skier Kendo approaches two American girls and says (in subtitles) "Your tits are as beautiful as Mt. Fuji". Legendary in 1984, I promise.

James Saito, who played Kendo, has had a terrific career in movies and TV since and recently commemorated the 40 year anniversary of this film with some hilarious posts. Great to see someone have a sense of humor about the past without worrying about today's uber sensitive flock!

Some critics back in the day called this "Rocky" meets "Animal House". It's not a bad comparison. Not that this B-movie is in any way/shape/form exists in the same universe as either of those classics, but it does feature the same ribald, gratuitous nudity for the sake of nudity attitude as Animal House, along with an unknown, David v Goliath showdown with echoes of Balboa.

Just with a LOT less talented people acting, directing, scoring the music, editing the footage.......but the audience for this in '84 was the bunch of fun loving folks I saw it with in the theater. We laughed a lot.

The final 10 minute "Chinese Downhill" sequence still holds up and looks great. It's probably no coincidence that it was the only story boarded sequence in the entire film.

The laughs are more nostalgic now and often they're at just how horrible pieces of this are. When Houser starts playing the guitar and singing a sappy love song to his girl, he's a lip syncing idiot who sounds like Keith Carradine came by for the beer & boobs.

Producer Edward S. Feldman followed this film up with "Witness" starring Harrison Ford. Talk about a career arc.

Strap on the skis, grab the beers and settle in for HOT DOG: THE MOVIE. It's prime 80's T&A that gets a nostalgic B- as long as you approach it with the same carefree expectations as these drunken, horny idiots.