It's a family tradition around our house to see a movie on the night before Thanksgiving to kickoff the holiday season. One of our all-time favorites was an IMAX 3D screening of Robert Zemeckis' 2004 holiday hit THE POLAR EXPRESS. Zemeckis, who has always been on the cutting edge of technology to create new experiences on film (Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) launched new ground in motion capture with Express. Actors wear motion capture suits to capture their performance and then they can digitally be created as any person or creature on film. Its beautifully suited for this expanded film version of the classic holiday children's book by Chris Van Allsburg. A young boy is realizing on Christmas Eve that he is starting to have doubts about holiday traditions and for him, believing is in its final moments. He finds himself whisked away by a massive train that pulls up on his street, invited aboard by an energetic conductor and meeting many young friends aboard. They travel to the North Pole to meet Santa on Christmas Eve, experiencing plenty of amazing digital action scenes and beautiful scenery and adventures along the way. The camera angles of these sequences could only be captured through digital magic and Zemeckis makes the most of it. Tom Hanks plays the boy, the conductor, a hobo, the boys father and Santa Claus and gives each role a different spin, often disappearing behind his new computer facade. What the film captures is the magic of believing, the treasured warmth of family traditions, the moments that make the holiday season so treasured to many. A great music score by Alan Silvestri and songs by Glen Ballard are sprinkled throughout. Watch for an elf version of Steven Tyler near the end. Perfect for repeated family viewing, its become a holiday favorite for kids of ALL ages in our house, including this overgrown kid. It's a special film with it's heart in the right place and for those of us that treasure Christmas family traditions, it hits a very special note perfectly. I can still hear the bells. The Polar Express is a ride worth taking every year and gets an A.

It's hard to believe I made it to 2013 without ever seeing the holiday classic WHITE CHRISTMAS, but it's pretty safe to say that this old fashioned, corny but fun Christmas flick will now be a yearly staple. The film opens with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye putting on a Christmas stage show in the middle of World War II near the battle front. General Waverly (Dean Jagger, much softer than I've ever seen him before) is about the leave the troop and his squadron gives him a stirring salute via song. These just aren't any songs, they're by the great Irving Berlin and are all highlights throughout the movie. After the war, Crosby and Kaye become a hugely successful singing duo, taking Broadway and the country by storm. Danny Kaye is hilarious and limber in some great dance routines. His constant matchmaking for his partner Crosby ends up with them meeting and chasing a female singing duo, played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. All four find themselves at a Vermont ski lodge owned by their former General that has fallen on hard times due to no snow and sparse visitors. The rest of the film is predictable but sweet and so well executed by our four stars that the cliches are overwhelmed by the song and dance numbers and holiday goodwill. This was Paramount's first film in ultra widescreen VistaVision back in 1954. It was directed by Michael Curtiz, who also helmed Casablanca and The Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn, a strong trio of film classics! The songs are great, the technicolor widescreen photography is excellent and our stars are all in great form. This is the youngest I have ever seen Bing Crosby. He has great stage presence and is a much better dancer than I ever would have imagined, having only seen him much older in his Christmas specials when I was a kid. Filmed nearly 60 years ago (what's with those women's hairstyles!?) White Christmas is a holiday treat we will be enjoying as a yearly tradition from now on and we'll give it a big bright, snow covered A.

Christmas movies don't arrive any more beloved or moving than Frank Capra's 1946 classic, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Almost 80 years after its release, none of the holiday magic has faded, thanks to Jimmy Stewart and an amazing cast. Stewart stars as local boy George Bailey, who can't wait to get out of tiny Bedford Falls and see the world. We watch his early years unfold via some sparkling stars in the cosmos, who share Bailey's life story with Clarence (Henry Travers) an angel hoping to earn his wings by coming down to Earth and helping George on one dark & fateful night. What surprised me on my first viewing of the film years ago, was just how dark some of its moments are. Suicide is pondered and lives seem torn apart. Frank Capra's genius with films like "It Happened One Night"(1934), "Lost Horizon" (1937) and "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" (1939) was an uncanny ability to mix comedy, drama and unabashed patriotism, without shying away from life's life & death moments. This was Capra's first post-WWII film and he's clearly committed to showing the goodness in all of us after the human terrors of the war. But you can't show good without showing the bad and boy, does Mr. Potter, the owner of the town bank exemplify that category. Mean-spirited, ruthless and uncaring, Potter is out to destroy the smaller Savings and Loan that George'e father built from scratch. George shares his father's traits as a generous man more concerned with his customers than himself, which isn't a great business plan, but certainly serves to set up a terrific payoff. Lionel Barrymore is despicable as Mr. Potter. He was the Grinch before Dr. Seuss invented him, sneering and laughing at everyone he takes advantage of in the town. Bedford Falls is loaded with great characters and superb actors playing them. Donna Reed is fantastic as Mary, the girl George courts and eventually marries. The early scenes of them just out of high school are hilarious. Stewart is the perfect every-man and Reed matches his charm. Sara Edwards is hilarious as Mrs. Hatch, Mary's Mom who wants her to marry anyone but George. Thomas Mitchell is fine as Uncle Harry, providing plenty of laughs along with some strong dramatic moments that set up the finale. The film was not a hit when it was released but it eventually gained a huge following. It was aired many times by public broadcasting channels during the Christmas season in the 70's, where it became an annual tradition for many families in America. The story is timeless and Stewart is fantastic, morphing from a gee-whiz student getting ready for college, to a businessman trying to save his town. He's the perfect actor for Capra's inspirational speeches, firing up his customers like the pre-battle Mel Gibson in "Braveheart". But it's in the film's dramatic moments that Stewart really shines. His desperation holding his son tight to him as his world spins out of control grabs you by the throat. No matter how many Christmas seasons that I revisit it, the last 15 minutes still inspire and move me as George's generosity of spirit comes back to him ten-fold. There are riches beyond the obvious to unwrap here upon repeat viewings. The script is witty and smart, with screenwriters Dalton Trumbo (Roman Holiday, Spartacus), Clifford Odets (Sweet Smell of Success) and the legendary Dorothy Parker all offering uncredited contributions to the screenplay. While it was made in the 40's, it's takes on love, sex and society are sharply observed in a mode that's less graphic but no less telling. Stewart and Reed are flat out hilarious in the screwball comedy sections sprinkled between the drama. We unwrap IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE every year. It's a gift that keeps on giving as it approaches 100 years old. Listen for the bells, this Christmas classic just got its wings and an A+.

Traditions are everything for me at Christmas time. As far back as my memory reaches, my parents always made the holidays a very special time. The decorations, picking out the live tree, TV Christmas specials all became parts of December that I treasured. As a film fanatic, there are non-holiday films that will always be vivid Christmas memories, just because they opened in the theaters in December. I remember seeing "The Towering Inferno" with my Dad on a huge screen opening night. James Bond's "Diamonds Are Forever" and "The Man with the Golden Gun" both premiered in the early seventies in massive theaters decked out with yuletide cheer. Christmas themed films are annual treats for many of us. The holiday doesn't really start for me until we I some of the top ranked films on this list. Here are my Top 10 Christmas movies, and stay tuned at the end for 5 lumps of coal to avoid at all costs. 10. Die Hard It may have been 25+ years since Bruce Willis hit the big screen as John McLane in the original DIE HARD, but this action classic STILL rocks. Willis is NYC detective McLane, arriving on Christmas Eve to visit his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) at her new high profile job at Nakatomi Tower. Separated, they barely have time to meet, get close and fight in her office before a group of terrorists take over the building. WIllis manages to escape and become a one man army against the bad guys. It's so well executed on every level, DIE HARD made Willis a movie star and it still holds up great today. Alan Rickman is the greatest Euro villain ever and his Hans Gruber has been often copied, but never equaled. Reginald VelJohnson is really good as Sgt. Powell, the only cop with any common sense on the scene, battling with FBI agents Johnson & Johnson and a whole lot of twinkies. Having spent some time in the 20th Century Fox towers, filling in here as Nakatomi, its amazing how much of the building they appear to explode, shoot up and destroy. The special effects team led by Richard Edlund (Star Wars, Raiders) works overtime to great effect, as does Michael Kamen's best movie score. One of the best action films of the 80's, DIE HARD still packs the same explosive punch that it did back in 1988. It sits nicely in my top 100 of all time, with an annual Christmas season revisit...and YES, it's a Christmas Movie! Yipee-Kay-Aye! it gets an A. 9. Love Actually One of the best modern Christmas films, LOVE ACTUALLY bears viewing every year, delivering plenty of seasonal laughs, tears and smiles. A massive cast portrays plenty of likable characters, including eight unique couples that eventually cross paths after a very eventful holiday season. Hugh Grant is The Prime Minister, newly elected, single and attracted to his daffy new secretary Natalie (charming Marlene McCutcheon) who melts into profanity every time he's around. Karen (Emma Thompson) is married to successful businessman Harry (Alan Rickman) whose power entices his assistant Mia far beyond flirtation. Sarah (Laura Linney) has worked for Harry for years and is madly in love with co-worker Carl (Rodrigo Santoro). Everyone in the office knows it, but the two of them continue to dance all around their romance. Meanwhile, Liam Neeson is Daniel, newly widowed, heartbroken and coaching his 11 year old stepson through his first love. Colin Firth is a writer nursing a broken heart that falls for his housekeeper, even though neither of them can understand a word the other is saying. Bill Nighy is hilarious as aging rockstar Billy Mack, whose self proclaimed money grab of a new Christmas song serves as a constant thread through the film. Sprinkle in Keira Knightley, Andrew Lincoln (long before "The Walking Dead"!) and Rowan Atkinson, surround them with a sincere, funny and sweet screenplay by Richard Curtis, let him take the directing chair as he did with "Notting Hill" and "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and enjoy. It's incredible that he juggles this many stories and folks and draws you into nearly every tale. Only one story thread, involving Martin Freeman as a stand-in working in the adult film industry, falls flat, feeling forced in from another, much less classy film. But its a minor misstep in an otherwise flawless film. Hugh Grant's never been more charming. His scenes sparring with American President Billy Bob Thornton are excellent. This is a fun film no matter how many times you've seen it. It will tug your heart while making you laugh out loud. After enjoying these folks for a couple hours, you really will believe that love IS all around you and that there's NO better time than Christmas to share those feelings. This romantic comedy is a modern classic and gets an A. 8. Miracle on 34th Street (1994) 1994's Miracle on 34th Street is a welcome addition to any holiday season. A remake of the classic holiday film, this 90's version stars Richard Attenborough as Kriss Kringle, a NYC department store Santa who may be more than he seems, Elizabeth Perkins as an executive at that dept store who has carved out a life with her daughter filled with riches but missing any true happiness and a young Dylan McDermott as her neighbor, a lawyer who loves her from a distance. The star of the film is little Mara Wilson as the daughter, Susan, the role that first made a young Natalie Wood famous in the original film. Wilson is a doll, with great delivery and a sweet performance. It's a story you know, but its delivered with some fresh (for the 90's) spins and with good holiday flavor. Attenborough IS the perfect Santa, Bruce Boughton's music score is excellent and its got a great warm happy ending for the whole family without boring the adults! Look for Allison Janney, Mary McCormack and Horatio Sanz in small, early roles in their careers. A sweet, heartfelt holiday film, we'll fill it's stocking with a solid A. This one is a must watch every holiday season. 7. Bad Santa Back in 2003 when BAD SANTA first hit theatres, Tamara and I went to a late night show and about fell out of our chairs laughing. As someone who loves everything about Christmas, it was the perfect nasty, offensive, dirty holiday joke ever played on yuletide audiences expecting a holiday movie. Thankfully it holds up just as nastily as mandatory yearly late night viewing at home. Billy Bob Thornton is Willie, a profane, alcoholic safe cracker who poses each year as St Nick to gain access to department store safes stuffed with holiday cash. His partner in crime is the diminutive Marcus, who plays Elf to Willie's Santa and manages to slide through plenty of air ducts to get to security panels and alarm systems. Tony Cox plays Marcus with quick wit, fast fists and a never ending bag of one liners. As Christmas nears, our guys run into several hilarious obstacles. First is a VERY funny John Ritter as a department store manager very sensitive to profanity and suspicious of our duo. Ritter delivers a terrific performance, squirming as he repeats some of Willie's behaviors to his security chief Gin, played to perfection by Bernie Mac. Lauren Graham has a ton of fun (and backseat and Jacuzzi yuletide passion with Willie) as a bartender with a thing for Santa and young Brett Kelly is fearless as The Kid, a pudgy, snot-dripping, curly headed shy victim of bullies who finds a special bond with Willie, who soon finds himself living with The Kid and his half-there grandmother (Cloris Leachman) in their sprawling suburban Phoenix home. If that sounds like the film treads into "feel good" territory, fear not. Director Terry Zwigoff (Ghost World, Crumb) and writers Glenn Ficarra and John Requa (Crazy Stupid Love, Focus) have crafted a story that's decidedly more filled with attempted suicide, murder, fist fights and loud sex than sugar plums and brightly wrapped gifts. Bad Santa is a dark, decadent gift of jet black comedy with Thornton's all-in, nasty performance at its center. As usual, Thornton is brilliant. Does any American actor do sarcasm better than Billy Bob? I can't think of one. If you're looking for a family holiday treat, leave this one buried under the tree. If you need a nasty, twisted, dark and dirty holiday present, pull BAD SANTA out of Willie's dirty, puke-stained Santa bag. It gets an A every year! Followed in 2016 by Bad Santa 2. 6. Home Alone 2 Always a ton of fun around the holidays, this big box office success from 1992 and terrific sequel to the original, HOME ALONE 2 delivers laughs and Christmas fun for the whole family. Writer John Hughes and Director Chris Columbus manage to set up another funny scenario in which Kevin (Macauley Culkin) ends up on a flight to New York while his entire family ends up on a flight to Florida. Once in Manhattan, Kevin manages to book a room at The Plaza, meet Trump and garner the attention of the hapless Wet Bandits Harry & Marv (Joe Pesci & Daniel Stern) who have recently escaped from jail and headed to the Big Apple for a big score. Macauley is hilarious and adept at all the physical comedy and manages once again to create a massive mouse trap of violent comedic traps for our bumbling bad guys. Brenda Fricker manages to have some nice holiday themed moments as a homeless woman in Central Park and Tim Curry damn near steals the whole movie in a hilarious role as the Concierge at The Plaza. Curry makes every facial expression and bit of physical comedy work as he takes every measure to get Kevin tossed out of The Plaza, to no more avail than our bandits. Ron Schneider has some funny moments as a Bellman and Catherine O'Hara reliably delivers as Kevin's absent minded Mom. Family fun (as long as the little ones dont decide to throw bricks at people's heads like Kevin does, belting Marv a dozen hilarious times), HOME ALONE 2 delivers plenty of HO HO HO and gets a holiday cheer drenched A! 5. The Polar Express It's a family tradition around our house to see a movie on the night before Thanksgiving to kickoff the holiday season. One of our all-time favorites was an IMAX 3D screening of Robert Zemeckis' 2004 holiday hit THE POLAR EXPRESS. Zemeckis, who has always been on the cutting edge of technology to create new experiences on film (Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) launched new ground in motion capture with Express. Actors wear motion capture suits to capture their performance and then they can digitally be created as any person or creature on film. Its beautifully suited for this expanded film version of the classic holiday children's book by Chris Van Allsburg. A young boy is realizing on Christmas Eve that he is starting to have doubts about holiday traditions and for him, believing is in its final moments. He finds himself whisked away by a massive train that pulls up on his street, invited aboard by an energetic conductor and meeting many young friends aboard. They travel to the North Pole to meet Santa on Christmas Eve, experiencing plenty of amazing digital action scenes and beautiful scenery and adventures along the way. The camera angles of these sequences could only be captured through digital magic and Zemeckis makes the most of it. Tom Hanks plays the boy, the conductor, a hobo, the boys father and Santa Claus and gives each role a different spin, often disappearing behind his new computer facade. What the film captures is the magic of believing, the treasured warmth of family traditions, the moments that make the holiday season so treasured to many. A great music score by Alan Silvestri and songs by Glen Ballard are sprinkled throughout. Watch for an elf version of Steven Tyler near the end. Perfect for repeated family viewing, its become a holiday favorite for kids of ALL ages in our house, including this overgrown kid. It's a special film with it's heart in the right place and for those of us that treasure Christmas family traditions, it hits a very special note perfectly. I can still hear the bells. The Polar Express is a ride worth taking every year and gets an A. 4. Elf A dozen years after its release, 2003's ELF has deservedly become a perennial Christmas classic. Will Ferrell has arguably his best film role as Buddy the elf, a human orphan that manages to climb into Santa's bag one night while Santa (Ed Asner, perfectly cast) is busy checking out the cookies. Buddy grows up at the North Pole with the elves, but like Steve Martin's Nathan in "The Jerk" doesn't realize he's any different from the rest of the family. In a sequence that pays clever and funny tribute to the Rankin/Bass TV Christmas specials of the sixties, Buddy sets off on an ice flow to get to Manhattan and reconnect with his human father. On the Naughty list, Buddy's dad, Walter (James Caan) has no idea that he has a son. A ruthless publisher with no time for anything but work, Walter soon finds himself with a six foot plus man dressed in full elf regalia calling him Dad. Ferrell can be an acquired taste on film, but here, his all-out commitment to being an elf fits the character perfectly and you can't help but cheer for the overgrown elf-man. Director Jon Favreau (Ironman) gets a lot of things right, especially by supporting Ferrell with a terrific cast, including Bob Newhart as his adopted elf Dad, Mary Steenburgen as Walter's wife, Zooey Deschanel (perfect) as Buddy's co-worker/love interest and Peter Dinklage as a pretentious childrens book author. So many classic scenes. "You're Not Santa!", eating cotton balls in the dr's office, Buddy's stint in the mailroom and of course the heart warming holiday finale in Central Park. Fun, funny and perfect for yearly viewing, ELF has a heart as big as Buddy's and gets an A. 3. It's A Wonderful Life Christmas movies don't arrive any more beloved or moving than Frank Capra's 1946 classic, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Almost 80 years after its release, none of the holiday magic has faded, thanks to Jimmy Stewart and an amazing cast. Stewart stars as local boy George Bailey, who can't wait to get out of tiny Bedford Falls and see the world. We watch his early years unfold via some sparkling stars in the cosmos, who share Bailey's life story with Clarence (Henry Travers) an angel hoping to earn his wings by coming down to Earth and helping George on one dark & fateful night. What surprised me on my first viewing of the film years ago, was just how dark some of its moments are. Suicide is pondered and lives seem torn apart. Frank Capra's genius with films like "It Happened One Night"(1934), "Lost Horizon" (1937) and "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" (1939) was an uncanny ability to mix comedy, drama and unabashed patriotism, without shying away from life's life & death moments. This was Capra's first post-WWII film and he's clearly committed to showing the goodness in all of us after the human terrors of the war. But you can't show good without showing the bad and boy, does Mr. Potter, the owner of the town bank exemplify that category. Mean-spirited, ruthless and uncaring, Potter is out to destroy the smaller Savings and Loan that George'e father built from scratch. George shares his father's traits as a generous man more concerned with his customers than himself, which isn't a great business plan, but certainly serves to set up a terrific payoff. Lionel Barrymore is despicable as Mr. Potter. He was the Grinch before Dr. Seuss invented him, sneering and laughing at everyone he takes advantage of in the town. Bedford Falls is loaded with great characters and superb actors playing them. Donna Reed is fantastic as Mary, the girl George courts and eventually marries. The early scenes of them just out of high school are hilarious. Stewart is the perfect every-man and Reed matches his charm. Sara Edwards is hilarious as Mrs. Hatch, Mary's Mom who wants her to marry anyone  but George. Thomas Mitchell is fine as Uncle Harry, providing plenty of laughs along with some strong dramatic moments that set up the finale. The film was not a hit when it was released but it eventually gained a huge following. It was aired many times by public broadcasting channels during the Christmas season in the 70's, where it became an annual tradition for many families in America. The story is timeless and Stewart is fantastic, morphing from a gee-whiz student getting ready for college, to a businessman trying to save his town. He's the perfect actor for Capra's inspirational speeches, firing up his customers like the pre-battle Mel Gibson in "Braveheart". But it's in the film's dramatic moments that Stewart really shines. His desperation holding his son tight to him as his world spins out of control grabs you by the throat. No matter how many Christmas seasons that I revisit it, the last 15 minutes still inspire and move me as George's generosity of spirit comes back to him ten-fold. There are riches beyond the obvious to unwrap here upon repeat viewings. The script is witty and smart, with screenwriters Dalton Trumbo (Roman Holiday, Spartacus), Clifford Odets (Sweet Smell of Success) and the legendary Dorothy Parker all offering uncredited contributions to the screenplay. While it was made in the 40's, it's takes on love, sex and society are sharply observed in a mode that's less graphic but no less telling. Stewart and Reed are flat out hilarious in the screwball comedy sections sprinkled between the drama. We unwrap IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE every year. It's a gift that keeps on giving as it approaches 100 years old. Listen for the bells, this Christmas classic just got its wings and an A+. 2. White Christmas It's hard to believe I made it to 2013 without ever seeing the holiday classic WHITE CHRISTMAS, but it's pretty safe to say that this old fashioned, corny but fun Christmas flick will now be a yearly staple. The film opens with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye putting on a Christmas stage show in the middle of World War II near the battle front. General Waverly (Dean Jagger, much softer than I've ever seen him before) is about the leave the troop and his squadron gives him a stirring salute via song. These just aren't any songs, they're by the great Irving Berlin and are all highlights throughout the movie. After the war, Crosby and Kaye become a hugely successful singing duo, taking Broadway and the country by storm. Danny Kaye is hilarious and limber in some great dance routines. His constant matchmaking for his partner Crosby ends up with them meeting and chasing a female singing duo, played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. All four find themselves at a Vermont ski lodge owned by their former General that has fallen on hard times due to no snow and sparse visitors. The rest of the film is predictable but sweet and so well executed by our four stars that the cliches are overwhelmed by the song and dance numbers and holiday goodwill. This was Paramount's first film in ultra widescreen VistaVision back in 1954. It was directed by Michael Curtiz, who also helmed Casablanca and The Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn, a strong trio of film classics! The songs are great, the technicolor widescreen photography is excellent and our stars are all in great form. This is the youngest I have ever seen Bing Crosby. He has great stage presence and is a much better dancer than I ever would have imagined, having only seen him much older in his Christmas specials when I was a kid. Filmed nearly 60 years ago (what's with those women's hairstyles!?) White Christmas is a holiday treat we will be enjoying as a yearly tradition from now on and we'll give it a big bright, snow covered A. 1. Christmas Vacation A yearly holiday tradition, Christmas Vacation never fails to crack us up. Betting you all have your favorite moments too, ours are Chevy in the attic, the family dinners and Cousin Eddie. If you cant quote at least a half dozen lines from this holiday classic, don't talk to me in December! The height of Chevy Chase's career and sizzling with a cast of old pros and quick upstarts, laughs abound. Eddie : You surprised? Clark : Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. Aunt Bethany : [Hearing a squeak] What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound. Uncle Lewis : You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. Ellen : What are you looking at? Clark : Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...  [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Eddie : Shitter was full. Clark : Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey? Clark : Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace. Aunt Bethany : [turns to Lewis] What, dear? Nora Griswold : Grace! Aunt Bethany : Grace? She passed away thirty years ago. Uncle Lewis : They want you to say Grace.  [Bethany shakes her head in confusion] Uncle Lewis : The BLESSING! Clark : Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Frances : [looking at Ruby Sue surprised] Oh my gosh, her eyes aren't crossed anymore. Eddie : That somethin' ain't it? She falls down a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back to normal. I don't know. We just watched it last week, can't wait to watch it again. Merry Christmas, she's a beaut Clark, and she gets an A. And now, the holiday garbage that no one wants Santa to deliver down the chimney in no particular order. Lets' start with a controversial choice for some but a clear lump of coal for me: A Christmas Story As much as I love all things Christmas, someone needs to tell me what I am missing when it comes to 1983's A CHRISTMAS STORY. Based in the 1940's in Cleveland (poor Cleveland, first the Browns and now this) the tale is an old fashioned yarn about Ralphie (Peter Billingsley, the best thing in the movie) and his desire for a Red Ryder BB gun. His Dad (Darren McGavin, making his Kolchak portrayal seem subtle) and his Mom (Melinda Dillon, whiny and annoying) are not behind the idea. His Dad is too busy battling the furnace repeatedly and loving his new leg lamp to notice much and his Mom just thinks he'll put his eye out. Ralphie and his friends battle bullies at school and he constantly day dreams of saving the day with his fully loaded Red Ryder. I am missing something. I didn't laugh, it didn't make me feel especially holiday-ish and I found the repeated sped-up Benny Hill antics boring. The whole thing just plays like a bad Garrison Keillor radio play brought to life. If I had a dollar for every time I looked at my watch, I'd have more than enough to recover my rental fee. I know a lot of people love it, but man it just doesn't click with my sense of humor. Maybe I just have a problem with Director Bob Clark. His other huge film hit was "Porky's" in 1981 and I hated that movie, walking out after about a half hour when it was in theaters, something I've only done maybe five times in my life. SO I guess I'll just leave this one wrapped up and ready for all the fans out there to soak up every year. I'll stick with Christmas Vacation, Love Actually and Elf as modern holiday classics. For me, this is dumb, annoyingly boring and gets a bah humbug, coal in its stocking and a D. Bad Santa 2 Maybe there should be a maximum time that you're able to wait between sequels, or maybe there should be an unwritten rule that the original writer or director should come back... Any of those factors might have helped the sequel BAD SANTA 2, which lazily limps to the finish line as a poor imitation of the original. The good news is that Billy Bob Thornton is back 13 years later as Willie Soke. He's game to make Willy even more pathetic and desperate than in the original film. When your opening scenes focus on failed suicide attempts, you're not leaving yourself much room to sink lower. Our fat little boy Thurman Merman is back, still played by Brett Kelly, but showing little gains in brain power since his childhood. Kathy Bates is pretty damn funny as Willie's mom, whose rounded Willie and his elf sidekick Marcus (Tony Cox) up for a major Christmas robbery of a huge charity whose owners match Willie and team for depravity. Some scenes are very funny, but its so lazy that it tries to create scenes from the original again with new characters, and they don't measure up. It should be against the law to waste Octavia Spencer (The Help, Hidden Figures) in a small role this underwritten and unfunny. Billy Bob is so good, there are moments where you actually feel emotion for his character, which is hard to imagine. Unfortunately the more Willie tries to find a better path, the less the film resembles the dark and twisted first film. Crude, mean and nasty just like the original, the humor's not for everyone. For me, its just disappointing. Audiences must have agreed, as it sunk quickly at the theaters. Suffice to say when Christmas rolls around every year and we need a break from the family holiday flicks, we will always find time for the original. BAD SANTA 2? It's one and done for me and I'll give it a D. Father Figures Let me give you an early Christmas present by helping you avoid the giant celluloid lump of coal FATHER FIGURES. Wasting an immense amount of talent and gaining a top spot on Santa's naughty list by giving away 90% of the laughs in the trailers, this stinker will come and go quickly in theatres. Uptight brother and proctologist (oh gee that's funny already) Peter is played by Ed Helms, who is a very funny actor but asked to play straight man for most of the movie. His loose, surfer brother Kyle (Owen Wilson, clearly coasting here) is visiting for their Mom's wedding to her new beau (Harry Shearer, a great comedian given nothing to do). Their Mom (Glenn Close, doing what she can with a mediocre part) divulges that she's not sure who their Dad was, sending the boys on a road trip to find him. Is it football legend Terry Bradshaw? Bradshaw has a lot of fun and is really good here, playing a dumbed down version of himself. Is it a wealthy financial guy, played by JK Simmons? Is it Christopher Walken, a local veterinarian? More importantly, is this a comedy? Is this a family drama or maybe a dramedy? The filmmakers have no idea. There were moments played for drama that made me snicker they were so poorly executed and there were long comic scenes that sat lifeless with zero laughs. The only redeeming features of the film are Ving Rhames as a former football player and Katt Williams, who appears near the end of the film as a hitchhiker. He nails every line and steals the movie immediately. More of a giant steaming reindeer turd that a holiday gift, FATHER FIGURES gets a D. Jingle All the Way I managed to get through two decades of Christmas seasons without watching Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1996 holiday film JINGLE ALL THE WAY. So why in the world did I watch it now? iTunes had a holiday movies button, I clicked on it and the rest is history. I should have worked harder to keep my non-viewing streak going on this one. I’m a sucker for Christmas movies of almost any kind, from favorites like “The Polar Express” to “Christmas Vacation” and “Elf” to lesser but enjoyable holiday movies like “Four Christmases”, there are those perennials that we come back to every season. This one wont be on that repeat viewing list. Arnold made plenty of great movies in this era, action was his strong suit but he often showed great comic timing in films like “True Lies”. Suffice to say when it comes to full tilt comedy, Schwarzenegger was less gifted. It’s all giant expressions and over reactions in his portrayal of Howard, a workaholic Dad who’s late for every school play or judo tournament. After letting down his son Jamie (Jake Lloyd, showing the same child thespian talents (?) he unraveled as a young Darth Vader in Lucas’s early Star Wars trilogy) yet again, he promises to make it up by getting the hottest toy on the planet on Christmas Eve. Gee, do you think it’s sold out? Do you think maybe they’ll be montages of crazy shoppers battling each other in the aisles in search of the Turbo Man action figure? Right now, think of every cliché that might happen in Arnie’s quest and I promise you they all happen here. Sinbad is one-note, borderline disturbing and not great as a mailman on the same quest for his son. Phil Hartman brings the film’s only laughs as Howard’s next door neighbor hoping to move in on Howard’s wife, played by Rita Wilson. None of these characters act like any humans you ever met. Throughout the film, Howard manages to light houses on fire, be part of a bombing at a radio station and commits at least a half dozen felonies, but we just move on to the next scene. You see the heartwarming ending coming a mile away, except for Sinbad’s absurd antics. Harvey Korman and Larraine Newman are completely wasted in small roles. Robert Conrad has some fun as a cop who keeps popping up but never quite gets Howard. Poor Arnold. He just looks uncomfortable, straining for every laugh. This might be the longest 90-minute film I’ve ever seen. WOOF, what a dog. We’ll file it away with “Fred Claus” as a once-is-more-than-enough Christmas movie. We’ll give it a lump of coal and a D. Last and least, we have.... A Merry Friggin' Christmas It's been a long time since I've seen a Christmas movie as bad as A MERRY FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS. What a colossal waste of talent! Joel McHale stars as Boyd Mitchler, a Clark Griswold knock off who treasures family traditions and is determined to give his family the perfect holidays that his father Mitch (Robin Williams) never gave him as a child. Joel and his wife Luann (Lauren Graham) are invited to his his parents house, where all sorts of holiday hijinks ensue involving his mother (Candice Bergen), brother (Clark Duke) and sister (Wendi Mclendon-Covey). Now normally all those stars above are very funny people. VERY funny! But even their comedy timing can't save this horrible screenplay and unfunny shtick. When Boyd and Luann realize they have left their son's presents at home, Boyd, his brother and his Dad load up the truck and attempt to drive all the way to Chicago and back Christmas eve before the kids wake up. This is truly an awful movie. At one point, our road trio thinks they have hit and killed a hobo in the road and they start having a conversation about how to chop up the body to hide it. You will just shake your head. It wants to be "Bad Santa" and "Christmas Vacation" and "Home Alone" but just ends up being crap. It's only 79 minutes long (plus 9 MINUTES of credits to stretch to 88!) and it feels hours longer. There are no laughs, just painful embarrassment as our cast realizes they have signed on for a real holiday dog. Williams looks especially aware of how bad this really is and the three power female comedians are given very little to do, what a waste. It's only appropriate to review this Christmas turkey on Thanksgiving weekend and it give a giant lump of coal and an F. Pick any one of the top ten, grab your eggnog, light the fireplace and settle in everyone! Merry Christmas from George at the Movies!

The weekend after Thanksgiving finds me in the Christmas spirit and excited for any new holiday films that come my way. I was primed to enjoy RED ONE . Sadly, Santa's bag is only half full this time out. You can't blame a jacked & ready JK Simmons (La La Land, Whiplash) as Santa Claus. He's perfectly cast, conveying all the confidence and power St. Nick demands. Dwayne Johnson (Moana 2, San Andreas) equals him in the fun department as Santa's head of security, Callum Drift. But the film opens slow, detailing n'er do well Jack O'Malley as a non-believing kid and then 30 years later as a man (Chris Evans) whose existence defines the naughty list. For the first half hour, anytime the film focuses on the North Pole, Simmons & Johnson, it delivers a full stocking of laughs and cool effects. But then Jack shows up on screen and the sleigh grinds to a halt. With about twenty five minutes edited out of its final 124 minute running time, this thing could have soared. It's not without its fun moments. Once Santa is kidnapped and the plot finally kicks into gear, the pace picks up, Callum finds out Jack may be involved and the story is off and running. Kristofer Hivju (Game of Thrones) is a blast as Santa's brother, who looks NOTHING like his sibling. It's a fun bit and Hivju delivers huge laughs, menace and heroics. Lucy Liu (Kill Bill Vol. 1) has plenty of fun as Zoe, the head of the government agency that protects Santa year round. The film plays nicely with the concept of all the legendary figures from literature and fable being actual creatures. But the main villain is a bit dull, a Christmas witch who seems more like a Die Hard bad guy than a mythical character. Poor Johnson is saddled with so much exposition, trying to explain the back story and history that at one point, I laughed out loud. Convoluted storytelling isn't a great omen for what's to come. Watch the scene in the truck after they meet Santa's brother as Dwayne rattles off hundreds of years of dialogue across paragraphs of meaningless dialogue. You can see Johnson working hard to make it interesting, while Evans sits in the passenger seat looking bored. Me too. The film's budget was $250 million+. What? Where did it go? The special effects are often dark and muddled, without the definition that the best CGI offers. Sure, Santa's sleigh and reindeer are cool, but I'm not sure this version of the North Pole looks any better than that underwater city in "The Abyss", and that was made almost 40 years ago. Kids will love the Polar Bears on Callum's team, the best use of the creatures since those Coca-Cola yuletide commercials. The final 15 minutes pulls things together into the most satisfying part of the film, with all the action of a superhero film blended with a feel good holiday message. It's by FAR the best part of the movie, but can't quite clear the stink of the lumps of coal you've already sat on for two hours. RED ONE looks like a Christmas movie ONE & done. I'll unwrap it a C.

For the first fifteen minutes of THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER , I felt like the film was too sweet and cloying. By the final 30 minutes, I was completely won over (I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying!) by a film that took me back to my childhood, to that Christmas feeling that's so much harder to rediscover and fully FEEL as an adult. A great cast of young actors and some familiar adult comic faces make you feel at home. Judy Greer (Ant-Man, Jurassic World) stars as Grace, a caring Mom who's also hilariously transparent. In a weak moment, she volunteers to run the Christmas Emmanuel Pageant at her church on its 75th Anniversary. Can she fill the shoes of the staid woman who has run it (without letting one moment change) for decades? Her husband Bob (comedian Pete Holmes from "Woman of the Hour") is shocked she would take on such responsibility, knowing that many people are just waiting for her to fail. Their kids are shocked too. Things for Grace take a real turn for the worse when the most unruly, rule breaking hooligan kids in their neighborhood, the dreaded half dozen Herdman children decide they want to be part of the play. Well, to be honest, they take over everything about the pageant. The kids are perfectly cast, especially Beatrice Schneider as Imogene, the gang leader of the Herdman tribe. Schneider is hilarious and proves her dramatic chops are just as strong as her comic timing. Molly Belle Wright (Deep Water) is also terrific as Grace & Bob's daughter Beth. She becomes our gateway to the Herdman children and as an adult (Lauren Graham) serves as our narrator of the holiday tale. This is a faith based family film and after that rough start, never panders to its audience. It's messages about the true meaning of the holiday are endearing without being overbearing. Without a doubt, it's the best telling of the nativity story since "A Charlie Brown Christmas" hit the CBS airwaves in the 1960's. It's also actually a remake of the 1983 movie "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" starring Loretta Swit, shown on the ABC television network. My memories of many candlelight midnight services are rooted deep in my veins. Hearing the congregation and my family singing "Silent Night" as the clock ticked past midnight into Christmas Day are a powerful part of my childhood. The film tapped into the emotion of those moments, of lost family members, of the power of kindness, they all resonate, whether you go to church weekly, or have no core beliefs. Kindness is kindness, plain and simple. That message, wrapped in big holiday laughs, some touching moments and even some well timed flashbacks to the original Nativity story, plays beautifully. Fun for the entire family, it's a new holiday treat that left us feeling as warm as a big ol' mug of hot cocoa. THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER gets a surprising, nicely wrapped, heartfelt B.

Deftly navigating a sleigh on a tricky path between family film and Farrelly Bros hilarity, DEAR SANTA is a laugh-out-loud holiday treat. Jack Black slays (sleighs?) as Satan, falsely summoned when dyslexic 11 year old Liam Turner (Robert Timothy Smith) writes "To Satan" on his letter to Santa by mistake. If you're already offended that dyslexia plays a part in a comedy, the Farrelly Bros thankfully don't care and have plenty of other third rails they'll glance off in PG-13 fashion. Smith (Skeleton Crew, Wolfs) is painfully, hilariously perfect as Liam, a bundle of awkward as he watches his parents Molly (Brianne Howey) and Bill (Hayes MacArthur) bicker and pick at each other in the weeks before Christmas. There's a reason that they just relocated six months earlier from another town, but it goes unmentioned for most of the film. They can't believe that Liam has a best friend, but Gibby indeed exists in all his buck-toothed, WAY cooler than Liam style. He's perfectly played by Jaden Carson Baker. Baker unleashes a lot of Farrelly Bros one liners with prowess. Liam still kind of believes in Santa or as he says to Gibby, "It couldn't hurt, just in case and it makes my Mom happy." When he drops his Dear Satan envelope into the Santa mailbox, it spirals down to its flaming destination and Jack Black pops out of Liam's closet that night. Black is inspired casting. His mannerisms, over the top facial expressions and vocal range make for one hilarious encounter after another. Young Smith goes toe-to-toe with Black, the perfect innocent foil for Black's madness as the Prince of Darkness. Satan lets Liam know that he's got three wishes and after the third one is granted, he owns the boy's soul. I'm not going to ruin any of what follows as the laughs are generous, but I will say that third wish is the most dangerous, even for the Farrelly Bros, who are known for pushing boundaries with hits like "Kingpin" and "There's Something About Mary". After an hour and a half of laughs, that third wish goes to a place totally unexpected, bordering on taboo. The moment I realized what was going to happen, I wondered how in the hell they were going to pull it off. They do. Beautifully. Keegan Michael-Key brings many laughs as a child psychologist brought in by Molly & Bill when they find Liam's stories to be way out of control. P.J. Byrne (Babylon, The Wolf of Wall Street) also delivers as Liam and Gibby's self important English teacher ("And now let's look at the very overrated Dickens novel.."A Christmas Carol"...) whose encounter with Satan leaves him in a sorry state. Post Malone is hilarious and one unexpected cameo set in the underworld was a funny surprise. I laughed from beginning to end, which I expected from the Farrellys. What I didn't expect was the ending, which delivered a Santa's bag full of heart to match the laughs. DEAR SANTA is a twisted yuletide treat that will become part of our annual viewing in the future, earning a surprising B.

Kurt Russell delivers a real holiday treat with his hilarious and winning performance as St. Nick in THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES . A family film with something for every age, its creators give us another favorite yuletide film with echoes of their past hits like "Home Alone". You can feel Chris Columbus' hands in the creativity here. 11 year old Kate Pierce (Darby Camp) and her teenage brother Teddy (Judah Lewis) are already at odds as Christmas approaches. They're dealing with the recent death of their fireman father in very different ways. Kate is learning in on tradition and Santa for comfort, while Teddy is falling in with a very wrong crowd. When their Mom Claire (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) is called into work on Christmas Eve, the two agree to set up an ingenious trap to film Santa Claus when he arrives. They get a lot more than they bargained for when their pursuit of great footage gets out of hand and they end up crashing the sleigh alongside Santa many miles from home. The adventure gets plenty of things just right. Watching Santa's out of control sleigh soar through the air and almost hit an airliner is a visual thrill. The sleigh and the reindeer are perfectly rendered. The mystery of just how Santa hits all those houses in one night is cleverly explained and looks fantastic. At the core of the film is Kurt Russell as Santa. Is there a more likable actor than Russell? Whether his Claus is walking into an Irish bar calling everyone by name and asking for a ride, or he's busting out his famous Elvis impersonation in a Chicago jail cell, Kurt's never been more winning. This was his 100th film and he's marked it in style. Both Camp and Lewis are perfectly cast, believable and sympathetic. For the youngest in the audience, there is a very different take on the elves, which manages to be as cute as a Gremlin and as lethal as Goldfinger at the same time. How many films have you seen over the years that depict the North Pole? Chronicles nails a very different version that's a blend of styles and tactics hundreds of years old, spiced up with the latest technology and magic. It's a fun blend that's easy to follow and adds to the suspense without a lot of heavy legend building or tedious exposition. Watch out for Santa's coat. He's got a lot of gifts up those sleeves. So does THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES . Fun for the whole family and already a popular annual holiday film for repeat viewings, it gets a yuletide wrapped A. Followed two years later with a bigger role for Mrs. Claus, who makes a great cameo in our final scene here.

Your enjoyment of THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUS , will hinge on how merry & bright you feel about Martin Short. As a huge fan of Short's, I had plenty of holiday fun, while admittedly feeling the film stretching for anything fresh in the second sequel. Short brings his manic energy to the role of Jack Frost, yearning for another chance to prove himself among the holiday legends. When you're in the shadow of Aisha Tyler as Mother Nature, Peter Boyle as Father Time and Kevin Pollack as Cupid flying around the workshop, it's not easy to shine. Santa Claus (Tim Allen, still having fun in the role) decides to give Jack another chance. He needs the break, as he and Mrs. Claus (a winning Elizabeth Mitchell) have decided to host her parents for the holiday. Her Dad, Bud (Alan Arkin) isn't a fan of Scott/Santa, thinking that Scott is never home, and Scott better be soon, as Mrs Clause is ready to deliver a new bundle for the holidays. Her Mom Sylvia (Ann Margret) at least pretends to like Scott.... The Clause's have even more house guests coming, Scott's ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her husband Neil (Judge Reinhold, as funny as ever) and their daughter Lucy. They know that Scott is Santa, but Bud and Sylvia don't. Watching Short direct a band of elves to disguise the North Pole as Canada generates more than a few laughs. While Santa is distracted with the impending little one and all his house guests, Jack Frost devises a plan to strip Santa of his powers and take over as St. Nick. Part 3 really hits its holiday stride in this part of the story line, with time jumps back to the original film and several plot twists that will keep kids of all ages entertained. Tim Allen brings his good-natured comedic chops to the film in a role that he's very comfortable in after three films. As holiday family entertainment, PART 3 brings gentle humor and suspense, but is decidedly the weakest of the three films. The characters and story would lie dormant for 16 years until the creation of the very enjoyable Disney+ series, "The Santa Clauses" which ran for six episode series in 2022 and 2023. We'll give this 2006 final film entry a C+. If you aren't a Short fan, your stocking will be much more empty than ours!

With the recent release of the BEYOND franchise worthy ALIEN: Romulus , we've ranked every ALIEN movie from worst to slime dripping, chest bursting first. No, we're not considering AVP among them, since we forgot crossovers the moment we walked out of the theater shaking our heads! From Ridley Scott's visionary original and James Cameron's brilliant first sequel, to Fede Alvarez's much brilliant new take, the ALIEN films have been entertaining us for 45 years! Meanwhile, lower the lights, turn up the volume and get ready for the entire Alien saga. As I'm sure most of you would agree, the worst film in the series was...... 7. Alien: Resurrection (1997) Five years after the disappointment of Alien3, sci-fi fans were fed the most lackluster entry in the series with 1997's ALIEN RESURRECTION . Sliding quickly down the slippery quality slope so fast it must be coated with that green alien slime, this entry takes place 200 years after Ripley died on the prison planet. Conveniently for filmmakers, she's cloned by a group of scientists and then used as a host for an alien Queen. Because the scientists and the military are ALWAYS stupid in these movies, no matter what century they take place in, the docs think they can harvest the best pieces of the monstrous species for human good. Right. Brad Dourif (Dune, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) is as oddball as ever in the opening scenes as a wacko scientist who learns quickly that you cant keep these shiny xenomorphs in any cage for long. Sigourney Weaver is the bright spot of the film as a kick-ass, alien/human hybrid version of Ripley that you can't quite pin down as either. Her blood sizzles nicely on the floor and her memory and strength seem super-charged. She hasn't lost her flair for one-lines either, with "They'll breed, You'll Die" leading the way. Very predictably, a ship full of traders lands to deliver stolen folks in suspended animation for the twisted breeding process and they get stuck on the massive army freighter along with the newly grown and recently escaped alien creatures. Among them is Winona Ryder, horribly cast and out of her depth. She's so bad that Weaver nearly blows her off the screen every time they appear together. Ron Perlman (Hellboy) fares best, especially during his brief one-on-one basketball match against Ripley. Dan Hedeya (Commando, The Usual Suspects) has some good quiet moments when he's not channeling the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket" and watch for a young Gary Dourdan who followed up this role with a 15 year stint on CSI as investigator Warrick Brown. Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet was hailed as a visionary genius (The City of Lost Children, and I enjoyed his film Amelie) but he is a complete bust here. Think about all the fantastic visuals in Ridley Scott's "Alien". He crafted the dialogue free first ten minutes aboard the Nostromo, the descent into the alien craft, the chest-burster scene. James Cameron brought strong visuals to "Aliens", including the massive civilian camp on the planet and the marines moving through it on every level, the jarring finale with Ripley v the Queen in the airlock. Even David Fincher brought a fantastic opening sequence to Alien 3. But here? Nothing. There's not one visual here that inspires. It's all a bland interpretation of the script. Even the space shots of the massive ships seem out of focus and phoned in. The only time the film comes to life for a few seconds is when it alludes to the previous films, with 15 seconds of Jerry Goldsmith's original score in the opening scene aboard the medical bay and the base-heavy WHOMP of a flashlight passing over the camera in tribute to the opening docking scene in "Aliens". Boring, bland and dull, RESURRECTION is anything but. It killed the standalone Alien films and led to the moronic "Alien V Predator" films of the 2000's as Fox tried to squeeze every last dollar out of the property. Weaver is the only thing that saves it in any measure, but even she's not enough to earn this last gasp (or so we thought!) of the series anything but a slimy D. 6. Alien 3 (1992) James Cameron's ALIENS would be a tough act to follow for any filmmaker. David Fincher is a brilliant director in his own right, making some of the best films of the last two decades, including "Se7en", "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and "The Social Network" to name just a few. Early in his film career, Fincher took the reins for this 1992 sequel to Aliens, creating the third chapter in the Alien saga. The film starts out incredibly strong. The familiar strains of the 20th Century Fox music fanfare suddenly turns sharp and wavering, turning into dark and shrill notes. The opening credits quickly pop between titles and staccato cuts of action aboard Ripley's escape pod in which she, Newt and Corporal Hicks escaped at the end of Aliens. It's obvious things have gone horribly wrong, with an alien creature aboard, oozing acid and destruction. The pod crashes to the surface of a prison planet without any women on its surface. At that point, just five minutes in, the film starts slipping from its promising beginning into something...less. The next half hour or so still shows flashes of greatness, especially anytime that Ripley (Sigourney Weaver, still strong) shares the screen with the mysterious doctor in the prison, Clemens. Clemens is played by Charles Dance, a great character actor now best known as Tywin Lannister on "Game of Thrones". He is a GREAT actor and he and Weaver have strong chemistry as two lost souls finding a quick moment of solace with each other on this miserable world. The film's best scene finds a huge Alien creature entering the medical bay with Clemens and Ripley. There are moments in that 5 minute sequence as good as any Alien film or any Fincher film. Alas, once Dance exits the picture, it becomes a much less interesting film, with unlikable characters played by actors that insist on shouting every line, a spin on the Alien creature that is less than successful and chase scenes that grow confusing and repetitive. Weaver does what she can with an underwritten part and no one creates dank, dark atmosphere like Fincher, but with little stake in the outcome, it quickly becomes a lesser entry in the Alien film saga. Lance Henriksen makes a strong appearance late in the movie that Bishop fans will appreciate, but its too little too late. That being said, it's better than the next film in the series "Alien Resurrection" that took the Fincher factor to the next level. Third time is definitely NOT the charm for ALIEN3, which gets a shrug and a C. Thankfully leaping far up into another galaxy in terms of execution and content, we have four excellent films: 5. Alien: Covenant (2017) Alien fans should be very excited that Director Ridley Scott has returned to fast-moving, exciting horror sci-fi with his latest, ALIEN COVENANT. Ranking a beyond expectations, fourth in the series for me behind James Cameron's "Aliens" and Scott's original 1979 film "Alien", COVENANT starts off strong and never lets up. The opening flashback scene is a quiet meeting between Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce) and his android David (Michael Fassbender) as they speak about creation, intelligence, faith and the quest for knowledge. The screen then fills with a view of space and the legendary ALIEN title appearing on screen in the same style it did in '79, over Jerry Goldsmith's original score from that film, enough to excite any true "Alien" fan. You know from that moment that Scott is going to reward long time fans of the series with references both audio and visual for the next two hours. And those two hours move fast. We move ten years after the events of the last film, "Prometheus". We meet the crew of the colony ship Covenant as they are awoken seven years early by an emergency on the ship. (Do these long journeys of sleep ever go off without a hitch? Between "Planet of the Apes", "Passengers" and the nasty occurences here, I'm thinking that a long nap is the most hazardous part of the voyage!) They are told by the onboard computer Mother (welcome back Mother!) that there is an ideal planet for colonization very nearby. Why wait seven more years when their mission can start on a beautiful, human-friendly planet nearby! No spoiler alerts necessary, I'm not going to tell you what happens from that point forward, but suffice to say, the planet holds it's own secrets that blend perfectly into the story arc of our Alien creatures. The last film set up a mythology in which creation began, with the creators sparking the beginning of human life and then creating a very different and terrifying life form to correct their mistakes. COVENANT tells two stories simultaneously, the fast moving story of our colonists on a terrifying planet and the backstory of what happened on this planet between the creators and other characters in our story. The cast is excellent. Katherine Waterston is our new Ripley-like heroine Daniels, morphing from emotional devastation to kick-ass action star in the story. Billy Crudup is great as Oram, thrust into a leadership role and wrestling with his faith in the face of his discoveries. Danny McBride, who I think is the funniest guy on the planet in HBO's "Vice Principals" plays pure drama here with equal skill as crew member Tennessee. Jussie Smollet has great screen presence as Ricks and Callie Hernandez is great as Upworth. At the film's center in dual roles is Michael Fassbender as android David and a newer model aboard the Covenant named Walter. He's fantastic. Menacing, compassionate, cunning and caring, you're challenged with which android is which and forced to think about their motivation. Fassbender's every move is perfect. There are numerous fantastic action sequences, staged by Scott and his fantastic director of photography Darius Wolski (The Martian, The Walk) as big screen spectacles on an amazing scale. Savvy long-time fans of the series will find dozens of fun references to the original ALIEN, including battles on the outside of crafts near thrusters, clever uses of the airlock, opening and closing hatches, a certain "roller coaster ride, straight down" and even that tiny toy bird on a control panel, dipping back and forth into a glass of water. Alien fans know what I'm talking about. Jerry Goldsmith's music is referenced throughout, woven into a new and clever music score by Jed Kurzel (who cut his teeth on small films like "The Babadook" and "Slow West") that also references Marc Streitenfeld's music from "Prometheus" that I didn't even know I remembered until I heard it again. The planet visuals are stunning on the big screen, like New Zealand on steroids and the Creator City is jaw dropping, making Pompeii pale by comparison. Fast, intelligent, bloody scary and graphic, the alien creatures have never looked or moved better than they do with Scott's blend of mechanical effects and 2017 CGI technology. I did have a creeping feeling as the film began to wrap up that I wished it would have unveiled a bigger part of the story arc, but as the second film in Scott's planned four film series, it's tasked with teasing you for the next two, which it does very well. It would have also been nice to see Oram's questions about faith explored a bit more in relation to what's unveiled on the planet. Some of the dialogue between David and Weyland in the prologue is so good, it makes you wish those level of questions about life and our place in the universe were sustained throughout. The fact that Ridley Scott continues to even address them within the framework of one of the best sci-fi/horror film series ever created, nearly 40 years after the original film, is the gift that continues to deliver. ALIEN COVENANT is a summer movie blast, filled with gory shocks and surprises and a few laughs along the way to relieve the tension. But don't get too relaxed, there's something terrifying right around that corner ready to jump on your face..... COVENANT gets an A-. 4. Alien: Prometheus (2012) It's not often that a film I've anticipated seeing for so long can exceed expectations, but Ridley Scott's PROMETHEUS blew me away. WIth very fond memories of seeing the original Alien in 1979 at the original Cine Capri in Phoenix, I sat in the new Tempe Cine Capri 33 years later VERY excited as the lights went down. From it's opening prologue (fantastic photography and CGI) that heavily echoes 2001 (especially in its opening shot) to nearly its final shot, Prometheus stuns. This is not a straight up prequel in the way that George Lucas neatly wove the last hour of "Revenge of the Sith" into the beginning of "Star Wars". Prometheus has many, many echoes of Alien but don't go in expecting too many obvious, easy tie-ins to the original. Noomi Rapace (Salander in the original Swedish "Dragon Tattoo" films) and Logan Marshall-Green are scientists that discover similar cave drawings and artifacts on Earth that point to a far away solar system and outsized alien visitors. Scott moves the film along quickly and you are soon along with them on their journey to discover the origin of these visitors. Charlize Theron provides steely support as the ranking official from Weyland Industries and Idris Elba is great as the captain of the ship. Once they land on the planet, fasten your seatbelt. There are at least five action set pieces that will blow you away, my favorite of which deals with a robotic surgery pod and a very brave patient. Michael Fassbender is terrific as David, the crews's robot with a fascination for Peter O'Toole and "Lawrence of Arabia", its a great performance with a lot of mystery that echoes Ian Holm's 'Nash" in the original Alien. My only complaint was the very last scene, which felt tacked on and out of sync with the majesty of the last 15 minutes, but its a minor quibble compared to the 2 hours plus before that 15 seconds. This is a great film. If you are an action film or casual science fiction fan, its a treat. If you are a big fan of the Alien series and science fiction, you will be rewarded with dozens of echoes of Kubrick's 2001 and the DNA strands of the original Alien. PROMETHEUS is smart, beautiful to watch, thrilling and delivers the goods. An A by any measure. Looking forward to watching the original Alien on tonight...when its dark....... Alien Romulus Jaw-dropping, gory, exciting and packed with Easter eggs of the slimiest green variety, ROMULUS has arrived. It's been years since I've heard as much applause as filled the packed IMAX house last night, when the credits rolled after one of the most relentless final acts in the entire series. NO SPOILERS. Matching Ridley Scott's pace of the original "Alien", we are introduced to a group of blue collar workers in a Weyland/Yutani mining colony that will look very familiar to fans of "Aliens". We meet Rain (Cailee Spaeny, so great earlier this year in "Civil War") and her synthetic "brother" Andy (newcomer David Jonsson) as they carve out a hard life with one goal in mind, escaping this dreary planet a long way from Earth. Rain's ex Tyler (Archie Renaux), his a-hole cousin Bjorn (Spike Fearn), Kay (Isabela Merced) and Navarro (Eileen Wu) have a plan that will get them all out of their dreary existence much more quickly. It seems that there's a massive abandoned space station called Romulus Remus that lies dormant in the atmosphere above the giant rings that orbit the planet, constantly circling Saturn-style. But why that station is abandoned and if it's actually without life quickly come into question when they dock and begin searching for the suspended animation pods and fuel they need for their plan. Once they dock with that station, Alvarez kicks the tension and the atmosphere into overdrive. ROMULUS takes place between the events of the original "Alien" and James Cameron's excellent sequel, "Aliens". Alvarez and his team do an incredible job taking us back to that lower tech, future world where the computers boot up slower, water and chains seem to drip in every loading dock and the corners always seem forbidding. I'm not going to say anything more about the story and where it goes, but it delivers in every way I wanted it to. There are countless call backs to the best films in the series, both in sight and sound. There are so many surprises and great set pieces within, it's a puzzle I want to unwrap again soon with a second viewing. It comes at you so fast after the set up opening that I know I missed a hundred things. The creature work is incredibly good, a deft mix of actual physical effects and CGI. After enjoying the hell out of this, I'm convinced there's never been a better monster than the Xenomorph, originally designed by HR Giger back in the late 70's. It's fantastic. Think about the first film, when that original face hugger jumped out of the egg onto John Hurt. Now, take several characters, put them in a room with dozens of face huggers who are very, very anxious to plant their eggs, make the entire scene completely silent and hang on. When the film isn't leaning in on quiet, it's got one of the best sound design mixes this year. The explosions are huge, the scale of spaceships and contact with them is so well mixed you can almost feel them at key moments. You can also hear every rib cracking and popping when our new friends decide it's time to leave their hosts. The acid drips echo in your head and every massive airlock door seemed to seal up the theater. You can't prepare your ears for this insane trip. This must be The Summer of Benjamin Wallfisch. After his thrilling "Twisters" score, he delivers a roaring, moving and wholly original music for ALIEN: ROMULUS that deftly honors the legacy of Jerry Goldsmith & James Horner's beloved scores for the series. Classic scenes abound. The final 30 minutes re-creates the same tension and fast-paced relentless thrills of James Cameron's chapter, spinning wildly into unknown territory that I loved. In IMAX, there is no relief (in all the right ways) in either sound or visuals in that final act. I loved Alvarez's "Evil Dead" and "The Girl in the Spider Web", a very underrated entry in the Salander series. This is, for me, his best film to date, a sure handed tour of all your favorite moments in the series that made me smile from beginning to end. More importantly, I never knew quite where he was taking me. Alvarez looked for members of the "Aliens" special effects team to help him create the same feel of gritty realism that film oozed. Mission accomplished. Spaeny is terrific, creating a reluctant kick-ass heroine that would make Ellen Ripley proud. Jonsson and Renaux are also standouts, creating characters you want to survive. Like Gareth Edwards excellent "Rogue One", ALIEN: ROMULUS is a brilliant stand-alone entry that not only honors, but elevates the film series it is born into. Get ready for thrills, people and find the biggest IMAX screen you can. It lands an A+ for me as the third best film in the series, right behind it's timeline bookends of "Alien" & "Aliens". High praise, and bloody well deserved. 2. Alien (1979) The night after seeing "Prometheus" we sat down, turned off all the lights and fired up the original 1979 Ridley Scott film, ALIEN . This is classic sci-fi at its best, with excellent production design, special effects, superb music and so many now-classic sequences, they become hard to count. I remember seeing ALIEN at the Cine Capri in Phoenix opening weekend and being blown away. At the time, the first chest bursting scene was the biggest shock on the big screen since Janet Leigh's shower murder in the first act of Hitchcock's "Psycho". Director Ridley Scott had made one well respected film, "The Duellists" in 1977 when he helmed ALIEN. His take on a space bound horror thriller was shocking. Deliberate, character driven and mysterious, every moment was a discovery of a world we had never seen. Many of us live and breathe the Alien universe now, but on a Friday night in 1979, it was a revelation of scares, amazing creatures we had never seen and to this day, a damn near perfect blend of practical and special effects. The cast is perfect. Sigourney Weaver blew up as Ripley, kicking ass here in a style she would take to even greater heights in James Cameron's brilliant sequel seven years later. Tom Skerritt (Top Gun, M*A*S*H*) is Dallas, the laid back skipper of the massive Nostromo mining vessel. No one does "everyman" like Skerritt. Harry Dean Stanton (The Green Mile) and Yaphet Kotto (Live and Let Die) are Brett and Parker, our comedy relief as two grunts just wanting their fair share. John Hurt (Heaven's Gate, The Elephant Man) is unforgettable as Kane, the first victim of a face hugger. The famous dinner scene was shot with the actors not knowing what to expect when Kane comes down with the worst case of heartburn on record. The look of shock on Veronica Cartwright's face as Lambert is real, accented by a LOT of unexpected stage blood. When that moment happened in the theater opening night in 1979, the crowd screamed and then fell into a shocked silence, followed by one guy the row ahead of me muttering, "Holy Shit.." which bust the entire audience up. We all needed a laugh to find our footing. From that moment forward, Ridley grabs you by the throat and never lets go. Ian Holm (The Lord of the Rings, Brazil) completes the cast as Ash, the only crew member who seems unrattled by the carnage around him. I wonder why....... Jerry Goldsmith delivers one of his all time best music scores. From the atonal, haunting violins over the main title to the full orchestra meltdown during "The Recovery", his music has a starring role in elevating the scares. Did you know that casting Ripley came down to two actresses and the other one was Meryl Streep? Hard to picture anyone but Sigourney in the role. Harrison Ford turned down Skerritt's role as Captain Dallas as well. The alien design by HR Giger is flawless. The way that Scott and the set designers made the Alien part of the set design is incredible. Only on second and third viewings do you see the Alien, right there, waiting for its moment. Many of the scenes take on new meaning after seeing Prometheus. The only draw back is wondering why all the hardware, spacesuits and surroundings are SO low tech here, when it takes place years after the events in the slick, fantastic digital world of Prometheus. Of course the answer is that the movie making tools Ridley had to play with in 2012 dwarf what he had to create Alien in 1979. Make sure and check out the Director's Cut of Alien for some great new scenes and subtle effects by Scott. An all-time favorite, ALIEN gets an A, only because James Cameron's sequel ALIENS is an all time top 10 favorite and emerges as slightly superior to the original. Check out the original, legendary trailer below, from the summer of 1979. and finally, for me, the best Aliens film ever made was the 1986 James Cameron sequel that holds a spot in my all-time top ten films of any genre... 1. Aliens (1986) One of the best sci-fi horror thriller films of all time, one of the best sequels in cinema history James Cameron’s ALIENS is a fantastic thrill ride of a movie. Thirty years later, it’s just as incredible! As the film opens, Ripley’s escape craft from the Nostromo is drifting in space, where a salvage crew finds her, wakes her our of many years of sleep and throws her right back into action. In the many years Ripley was sleeping, many families and workers have colonized the remote desolate planet where her crew found the Alien in the original film. They’ve just gone silent after discovering the same ship that was Kane’s downfall in the original film. Writer/Director James Cameron sends Ripley back with an entire squad of marines, a massive ship full of weapons and the best technology available. But will that matter when they face off against hordes of the acid dripping, double jawed, huge creatures with a driving desire to plant their eggs in our chests? Doubtful, but so much fun. Cameron cleverly sets up second act battles with first act intelligence. He creates a terrific band of marines with unique personalities, from the badass Vasquez (Jenette Goldstein) to the sniveling, but hilarious coward Hudson (Bill Paxton), first time Lieutenant Gorman (William Hope) to the classic, cigar chewing Apone (Al Matthews). 80’s stalwart Michael Biehn is terrific as Corporal Hicks, who never fails to rise to the occasion in this all out war. Throw in a corporate tool with ulterior motives, Burke (well played against type by Paul Reiser) and another android names Bishop (Lance Henricksen) that Ripley is terrified to trust and you’ve got a terrific cast of characters. When the marines discover a little girl nicknamed Newt (Carrie Henn) in the madness of the civilian compound, she becomes the driving force for Ripley to survive and protect against an unrelenting alien force. As Ripley, Sigourney Weaver is a home run. Believable, a kick-ass action hero and a born leader, Ripley is one of the best screen heroines of all time and this is, by far, the best film the character’s been featured in to date. Once Cameron sets up the basics very quickly, the film never stops, literally slowing down only long enough for us to breathe between suspenseful alien encounters. Cameron’s genius is blending a classic war movie with science fiction and action to create something we hadn’t seen before in 1984. Ridley Scott’s original “Alien” in 1979 is terrific, but ALIENS is that rare sequel that I would argue is even better, taking the ponderous, slow style of Ridley (which I love) and infusing it with massive amounts of adrenaline and conflict. Classic moments abound. Classic one-liners fill the movie. “Why don’t you put her in charge!” “ They mostly come at night….mostly….” “ Game over, man! Game over!” “Hey, maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked pal!” and of course the best, ‘Get away from her, you bitch!” That inspired huge applause when I originally saw this in the theatre and still gets us all riled up in that climactic moment. What a great movie. Great story telling, fantastic sets and creature work, excellent sound, superb visual effects, one of James Horner’s best music scores and James Cameron at his absolute best, ALIENS is an all time classic of any genre and in my all-time top 10. ALIENS stands as the best film in the series and one of the best films ever. It gets an A+. WIth the incredible critical and audience reaction to Alien: Romulus, we can surely look forward to more xenomorph chills & thrills! I'm ready.

More comic in tone than the 1978 original, SUPERMAN II flies a bit, but for me, never soars like the original. I've always attributed the different feel of the movie to Director Richard Lester, who most famously brought the Beatles to the screen in the enjoyable blockbusters, "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help!". While I enjoy his hilarious touch in those films, he slips into slapstick a few too many times for me here. The film opens up nearly where the original left off. In Metropolis, Clark Kent/Superman is back on the job and still wonderfully played by Christopher Reeve. He manages to make that whole, "I'm an everyday dude with my glasses on and a multiverse hero when I take them off" gig really work. Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) seems to be catching onto the act a bit, though. One of the film's best sequences takes place early on, with terrorists taking over the Eiffel Tower and planting a nuke in the middle of Paris. It's an exciting set up and carries the weight of the original film perfectly. When that nuke goes off in space, it has unexpected consequences. Our three intergalactic criminals, General Zod (Terence Stamp), Ursa, (Sarah Douglas), and Non (Jack O' Halloran) from the planet Krypton are released from their floating triangle prison of Phantom Zone by the ripples of that nuke. They head to earth to encounter some hicks in the south, the first destination for ANY alien encounters in the movies. Luckily, a southern Sheriff played by Clifton James is there to greet them. Any OO7 fan may wonder why that lawman's name isn't JW Pepper, but I digress... Lois and Clark head off to Niagara Falls to cover a goofy story while Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) escapes from prison and resumes his mission to take down our man in the cape. The film lumbers along a bit until it settles into its two main stories, one of which I didn't care for on first viewing and the second that was fun then and remains a blast. The first story thread dominates to tale for far too long. Superman has the hots for Lois Lane and can't resist his urges so he talks to Krypton Mom Susannah York in her crystal pod. Assuming you roll with that, you'll be thrilled to hear that she tells him that if he sleeps with Lois, he will give up all his powers. Huh? I remember seeing this in 1980 in theaters opening weekend and thinking.....wait Superman is giving up all his powers, his ability to protect an entire planet and the human species, cause he's horny? And even worse, the woman that he can't resist is.....Margot Kidder? Yeah, I have some serious issues with Supe's priorities and taste. If he had the hots for Valerie Perrine's Miss Teschmacher, okay. I get it. But Kidder? Come on, man. The whole thing is just stupid, turning Clark into a mousy weakling and unappealing hero. Even when this story thread is resolved, it's never really explained in any detail. Lester just throws in a couple physical comedy bits and Superman comes flying back onto the scene, powers fully restored. Huh? Perrine disappears for the entire back half of the film, as she only worked with original director Richard Donner, who had returned from the original to direct this sequel, but was famously fired by the producers, The Salkinds. The second story thread, with Hackman's Luthor teaming up with our trio of lethal superpower villains is a lot of fun from any angle. It carries the back half of the film and frankly saves this first sequel from being a mess. E.G. Marshall is great as The President and his scenes squaring off with Terrence Stamp as Zod deliver. It's enjoyable and was a massive box office hit when released, but I was the grumbling voice among my friends (who all LOVED it) saying that it was a disappointment after the superb original. I stand by that take these 44 years later, although I might have been more generous if I had known just how bad things would get when Director Lester would return three years later with a comedic superstar in tow for "Superman III". SUPERMAN II has its moments, especially that terrific Paris sequence, so I'll give it a B-.

The original Gremlins is a favorite from the era, but I've never had any love for its 1990 sequel, GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH . Revisiting it again, I wanted to see if maybe I was missing something. Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) are back, six years older and living in Manhattan. He's an engineer and she's a tour guide in Clamp Tower, the giant, modern skyscraper of Daniel Clamp, a thinly veiled late 80's version of Trump. John Glover (Scrooged) plays Clamp as a cartoony modern inventor with an ego taller than his office building. It's just one of many over-the-top performances here that give the film a strange tone that never generates any of the fun of the original. On one floor of Clamp's building, mad scientist Doctor Catheter (subtle humor) is experimenting on rare creatures. Catheter (Christopher Lee, wasted in an underused role) gets hold of Gizmo and pretty soon he's fed after midnight and he's all kinds of wet, spawning a crazy horde of new Gremlins that spread faster than that fire in "The Towering Inferno". It's supposed to be funny, but I didn't laugh once. The creatures are relentless but after awhile, pretty one note. Film Critic Leonard Maltin, who famously panned the original film, shows up and is attacked by Gremlins while he's on TV talking about Gremlins. It's supposed to be a clever meta moment, but like everything else that splatters across the screen, it's unfunny and feels forced. Billy's boss tries to seduce him in a needless subplot. Kate wears a bad tour guide costume, rendering Phoebe unattractive, a feat previously considered impossible. Gizmo is a huge fan of Stallone in Rambo:First Blood Part II, so at one point he dons a headband and creates a mini bow and arrow to go after the creatures. Director Joe Dante admitted later that he had no interest in creating a sequel to his original film and his lack of enthusiasm shows in every frame. The first cut of the sequel was longer, but executive producer Steven Spielberg, after the first screening, claimed there were too many gremlins, and several scenes were cut as a result. I can't even imagine how bad THAT version was. Creatures multiply, attack everyone in sight and take on the traits of the humans around them. When one of Dr Catheter's brain formulas is drank by the main evil Gremlin, he begins speaking like an English professor, which is funny at first. But Dante's never seen a joke here that he can't beat to death, so soon that speaking Gremlin is on a talk show, spouting philosophy. Uh-huh. Dumb. I wasn't alone in my repulsion to this half hearted continuation of the superb original film. With a $50 million budget, it barely crept past $40 million at the box office, leaving a trail of exterminated creatures in its wake. A testament to sequel greed, it killed the series faster than bright light and post-midnight snacks. This NEW BATCH is a very pale imitation of the first batch and gets a D.